Fathers, Children, Life, and Ministry

Yesterday Father's Day in France, as well as in our home country, fell on the same day. This is more the exception than the rule, which makes it hard to get cards sent off on time, if at all. With the busyness of the arts conference, my wife and I both forgot about it until yesterday morning. We didn't do anything to celebrate it, nor even telephoned our dads (who are "Bop" and "Grandpa Al" to our kids).

I think that this is an example of life and role of fathers in today's society. Granted, it's certainly not easy for mothers today. But, in most cases, children, at least in their early years, tend to revolve to mom. In our home, mom is the one whom the kids tend to go to when they need comforting, food, etc. My wife is currently a stay-at-home mom (by her choice), so she is their primary caregiver a lot of the time, especially when I'm "working," whether this is at home, at the church/Mission Radicale/Fonderie office(s), or elsewhere.

My role has been less clear. Yes, I try to be involved in their lives and take a part in raising them. But what does this mean? And how do I balance family time with intense events like this past arts weekend? From Thursday through yesterday, I didn't see much of my wife or kids.

Today has been my Sabbath in terms of a day to rest and gain perspective. This past week was like a pure sprint to the finish line. It was good to go to the baby swim class this morning. I caught my son countless times as he jumped off the poolside into the water. Our daughter also is making great progress kicking and swimming.

For some reason, my wife and I both had lots of chances to talk with both fathers and mothers who were with their kids in the pool this morning. Those that do bring their kids here seem to desire to invest themselves in their children, as the course is a little pricey, as well as requiring an investment in someone to accompany the kids to the pool. We may have quite a good number at next week's open house that we're hosting for those whom we've gotten to know. Our daughter will be in the swim course this coming school year and our next child for a couple more years afterwards, so we still plan on going for several more years.

As I spoke to the mother of a six month old Eulolie at a changing table, I was reminded at how much progress our son has made in 3 years in the class. I've been with him all but 1 week of the course. One "role" of fathers is just to be there and help their kids discover and explore life (in this case, the pool) at their own rhythm. I've been frustrated (and still am occasionally) that our son didn't want to try something a little more advanced. A lot of his learning seems to be 3 steps forward, then 2 steps backward. However, as I look at the long haul of this past 3 years, what he has accomplished in the pool (and in life in general) is truly remarkable. There is still more to learn and I hope to be there with him for that as well.

Last night he woke up in the middle of the night screaming and inconsolable. I had to literally wrestle him to keep him inside the room, as he's a strong little guy. As I was in the kitchen getting him some milk, my wife suggested that I needed to pray for him in my prayer language, as it might have been a spiritual attack related to my involvement at the arts conference. My wife is often more in tune than I am with spiritual things. As I prayed for him, he did settle down and fell asleep fairly quickly.

Another of my roles as a father is to provide spiritual protection for my wife and children. As we see some great spiritual breakthroughs like this past weekend's conference, I and my family are more likely to come under spiritual attack. As a father, I need to be vigilantly aware of this and do what I can to spiritually cover them. How thankful I am for friends like Rose-Aimée from Belleville who specifically prayed for coverage our family this past weekend.

Right after our daughter was born, my in-laws gave me the book Why a Daughter Needs a Dad: 100 Reasons by Gregory Lang (Cumberland House: Nashville, 2002). Belated thanks David and Mary! I finally opened it this afternoon and read it. In some ways, my creative side found the excellent photos by Janet Lankford-Moran more useful than the 100 reasons. In any case, it was a good reminder of the importance of my relationship with my daughter.

All these tangled reflections have reminded me of the last verses of the Old Testament in Malachi 4:5-6:

See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.